6/15/1997 - 5/5/2010I have no idea how or why you died. I woke up one morning to find you lying lifeless in the middle of the garden, next to a broken plant pot. There was no blood and no wounds. Mum wouldn't let me hold you properly because she said we couldn't be sure what had killed her. We took you out to the country and buried you in grandma's big, over-grown garden, next to Tiggy and Albert mouse, and the other pets that dad grew up with. I thought you'd be happy there as your ghost could adventure in endless nature and countryside, and grandma who likes to do her gardening would look after the tree that grows by you all. You grew up with me and I never got to say goodbye, or even hold you after your death. I can remember waking early in the morning when I was small, picking up you and your brother under each arm and taking you downstairs to play. We were both so tiny at the time you seemed like fully-grown cats to me. I can remember being about 4 or 5, eating breakfast at the table, feeling my toes being tickled and looking down to find you two nibbling at them playfully. You were always there for me when I was upset, and you were always so happy to see me. I had a bond with you like you were my little sister. It still tears me up inside picturing you laying alone in the cold and dark as you slipped away. I don't know if you were in pain or if you even knew what was happening. I wish to god I could have been there with you, and I hope in your last moments you knew just how much i loved you, and how much I will always love you, and I hope it was comforting to you. I'm sorry for any mistakes I made in looking after you, I don't know if your death was down to something I did wrong. I keep having dreams where you come back to me and I feel so much relief and joy, until I wake up. I miss you so much and I don't think I realized just how stressful life was until you died, because you were such a source of comfort and joy when I had you nudging me and playing all kitty-ish with my hair at the end of each day. I will never, ever forget you for as long as I live. You will always hold such a special place in my heart, my pea-pod will always have an empty space that will forever have your name. Goodbye my little scatter-brained fuzzball, sleep tight.Boston, MassachusettsJune 11, 2014
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