Carmen-cashew
11/15/2020#nationalpetday Enjoy the rainbow bridge Carmen-Cashew Peterson. Missing those hazel eyes today. This isn’t easy and I truly don’t care what anyone thinks!! Carmalita, you almost made it to my birthday. I just couldn’t allow you to be in pain anymore. The plus side you went to the Rainbow Bridge on Rihanna’s Bday, we played our favorite Rhi Rhi song (Diamonds) as I kissed you goodbye!! I’ve found myself not able to process this or speak about you much to someone’s face as I would burst into tears. Carmen, Fernando Sr. and my mom finally had something in common after the love hate-relationship. Which would be cancer and bad hearts. It’s ironic the thing that made me the strongest with my mom, made me the weakest and paralyzed me recently. I let my guard down and finally listened to you and the realization occurred to me, my shadow (you’ve always been called) was in utter pain and having trouble breathing. She was in so much pain and she was counting on me to make it stop! She let it be known enough was enough! She knew I was honest when I told her as I left for work, take a nap we got one last bravo show and a crime documentary to watch. We spent every waking/ sleepless moment with her and giving her the best last days on the planet with everyone that loved and adored her. People that never met her have reached out sent precious words, flowers, gifts and things to look at when we miss her.

Our sincere and upmost respect and appreciation for the amazing staff at Tampa Veterinary Hospital (Dr. Webster) Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice, Inc. for the home farewell with our other two boys. Which, they got the chance to have closure. Thank you for allowing Peanut to jump in the basket and sniff her and lick her goodbye! We couldn’t have ever imagined possible, Thank you for making this hard situation as comfortable as possible. Thank you for allowing us to insure she was okay crossing over to the rainbow bridge to meet up with Kali my other fur-daughter, my fur-sister Coco Chanel, cousin Bella, cousin Odie and her other big brother and best Corgi bud Olly. I haven’t been able to function in social settings in a while. It was hard to sleep at night knowing she wasn’t talking to us and friends with what we call “Rooing” it’s Carmen language for anyone that she has fallen in love with conversations she will have with you. She especially loved one guy in particular she would always pee on or near since we brought her home as a puppy( Eckhardt daddy for the win). 😂

It’s hard knowing she wasn’t right behind me ready to jump in bed or outside and not have her waiting for me. Watching her tail wagging and her butt shaking telling me to open the backdoor. I’m thinking how sitting on my couch alone, checking the mail will be as she isn’t following behind me like she is on a mission. I’m not sure who will dance with me and sing with me every single morning getting ready for work or going out. Carmen has always been on my side calming my panic attacks/anxiety and depression making me smile again. Every time I turned a corner or rolled over, a part of me longed for her to be sitting there, tilting her head at me wondering what we’re about to do next. 😭

I haven’t fully understood why the universe has been against me since the moment I was born. My grandma agreed but promised me on our call, after this heartache....it’s my turn for he most amazing things to happen to me. I truly hope she is right because I can’t handle anything else. Why has my life been filled with so much tragedy, hurt, sadness, difficulties and longing for things I honestly deserve but get passed on? I will never understand why this sort of stuff keeps happening when I do good and give back constantly. To my friends and family that grew with this fur-daughter since 8 weeks old and to your fur-kids that will now be confused. I want to thank each and every single one of you from the bottom of our shattered heart. Your love, compassion, support and words mean so much. Thank you for the wonderful gifts, the pictures the memories you shared with her. I can’t believe the human lives and dog lives she touched being in this crazy world. We can’t wait to receive her ashes to go along with her clay paw print, that’s when we know reality will set in and our heart will be completely shattered and the moment we will feel complete sadness. Love your fur-babies like you love your human kids. Give us a little time to get back to some form of normalcy as we need to focus on our old dude Peanut-Butter and Norman-Bates.
Kisha PetersonTampa, FloridaFebruary 21, 2020
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