In Loving Memory

Home feels so much emptier without your presence.

My best friend, my north star, my Honey Bear/Baby Man/Baby Love/Sochi Love (and everything else I called you): I love you more than anything else and always will. You are my world. You are my everything. I love you so much, my sweet boy, and Pinecone and I miss you like crazy. We cannot wait to see you again.

Elvis was small but had the biggest personality. He loved wading in creeks or swimming in my mom’s pool with the kids. When he was young and spry he would zoom around the living room or out in the sunshine in the backyard, heck even if there was snow. He was gentle- he was the most gentle dog around kids and smaller animals even though he thoroughly enjoyed chasing our chickens around the yard, knowing full well he would never catch one. He was a ball dog for sure, if it bounced he was all about it. Elvis was a crafty scavenger too, once pulling a bag of dog food twice his weight out from the closet and opening it for a buffet while we were at work. Unlike his older brother Odin, Elvis never minded getting his paws wet or getting into a little Mud- or burrs if were were hiking. I remember once at my Dads he ran out the door down a freshly tarred road and I spent a week trimming tar off of his paws. As he got older though, when our connection was solid, he never left my side. Wherever I was he was never far from me. Under my feet, next to me in bed. And he got me through those weird uncertain years of my early twenties. Whenever I was lonely, he was there. I think the heaviest weight is knowing there is no way you can love them back as much as they love you, no matter how hard you try.

Maggie was my first child, more than a pet. She was with me through every single life event. My most loyal companion. So, loved. I have no words the feeling of emptiness I feel now.

Forever wouldn’t have been enough time with you. You are dearly missed and will be in my heart forever.

We love you always, Tooty.

Moma, my sweet little baby, my sweet little girl. I’m sorry that you had to go through so much pain in the last week. I know things hurt. You were the kindest little girl in the world. Even when others brought you pain, brought you stress… you never lashed out, you never hissed, bit, or scratched anyone. Even when you were confused and, in such pain, you still didn’t do so, because love was at the core of who you are. You didn’t deserve such pain, and it killed me to see you go through it. It killed me even more to add onto it, by putting you in your carrier, putting you into the car, driving you to the vet, getting your blood drawn with such painful needles, leaving you alone while strangers did scary things to you, force feeding you medicines and food. If I could have taken that pain from you, I would have. I would have done anything to save you. I would have taken that pain myself. I would have given away years of my life to extend yours. But, in the past week, there was nothing that I could have done to save you. In the end, I wanted you to feel good for one last day, and then let you go with your mind, doing something that you loved, being at peace. Do you know what happened to you? There was something growing within your head, which made your nose run, which gave you pain, which made you blind in one eye, which made you confused. It is called “cancer”. It grew fast, so fast that it was bewildering to you and to me. Each day that went by, your pain kept getting worse. On your last day, on this earth, I gave you something to reduce that growth and reduce your pain, allowing you to feel a bit more like yourself. Your tail went up for the first time in a few days. You meowed for the first time in a few days. You jumped onto my lap for the first time in a few days. But even still, you were in pain and couldn’t sit still. So I let you onto one of your favorite places, outside! And you were able to relax and rest. You watched a squirrel. You caught a lizard. I petted you for hours. You sat in the sun, able to rest on your side without it hurting too much. In the end, I’m sorry that I had to trick you, and I’m sorry for the needles, in order to give you peace and pass in comfort. I hope that my words were able to comfort you. I hope you felt just how much that I loved you. If I could have given you even a few more days to sit in my lap, to sit outside… I would have. I know that is what you loved most and what you wanted, too. But, my sweet little girl, each day that passed would have brought worse and worse pain, until you died. You may not have noticed, Moma, but when you went to sleep, for the last time, a beautiful breeze passed by. You are going to a happier place. I promise you that. You came into my life when I was at my darkest. I often thought that I couldn’t die, because then you’d be alone, and we love each other. You inspired me to live like you do – happy, grateful, and loving life, no matter what happened, or where we were, as long as we were together. I’ve been crying over the past few days, since you passed. I’ve screamed in rage many times. Because I was in rage that you were taken from me like this. Because you suffered so much pain in that last week. Because I added onto that pain with more. Because you, Jess, and I were only together as a family for a few months. Because you were starting to love Jess. Because I wanted you to keep living happily for many more years. Seeing me like this must have made you sad, I know. I promise, baby, to hold you with love in my heart, so that you will feel my love, feel my lap, and won’t feel alone, wherever you are. To accept that you are in a better place now, and to love you still. To remember the amazing life that we had together, full of love and joy and fun and beauty. To remember the many sunrises and sunsets that we watched together. To see the world as you do… To see and appreciate the things that you loved… To see the beauty that is right in front of me, paying close attention, while remembering you. But, baby, I will still be sad for a while, because I miss you and I love you. I wonder what you would want for me to be like, now? Would you have wanted me to be happy, myself, rather than crying and screaming in rage? You earned the name “mama” to cats, before I got you. Would you want me to save another cat’s life, like I saved yours? What I do know, is that both just want to be together again. But, I must stay longer on this earthly realm. Pay attention baby, OK? If you want to stay here longer, Moma, and sit in my lap, sit on your favorite blankets, play, or go outside, please, stay with me as long as you like. Your papa will always be here for you. But, Moma, if you wish to move on to the other place, please don’t stay longer than you wish, just to comfort me, unless you wish to do that, too. You’ll be OK, baby. You’ll be happy, baby. Your papa promises that. Because, in the future, I’ll come to where you are now, and I’ll see you again, and you’ll get to sit in my lap again and be petted by me again, and we’ll play together again. I gave you your little white mouse, as you left, to keep you company until I get there. It was goodbye, Moma, but it isn’t the end. I love you, my sweet little girl. You’re a good little girl. Goodnight, baby. I love you. Your papa loves you.

Rest easy, my kitty until we meet again at the end of all things.

I love and miss you so much buddy, you were such a good dog and now the house is a lot more quiet without you here. I hope you are resting well and enjoyed all the good food you had.

Lily, you came into my life as a stray kitten and you stayed for 11 years….I am so thankful